I hate the pain

Day 6 still looking: Crystal is more friendly than usual, I put up signs, call for Stella whenever I walk around the Dong, look for her and still nothing. My tears are fruitless and the only answer to my voices is the snicker of Korean's or the empty echo of my voice. I hate the hurt.

It doesn't stop, it isn't controllable. It comes in waves and leaves my body in wails. I don't want to hurt this is what we try to insulate ourselves from this is why we build walls and houses and seatbelts. It doesn't stop it, the tsunami's still hit the most beautifil beaches and wash away more than sand. The ache is intolerable because it's something that can't be removed like a splinter from your finger. This is why people cut themselves. This is why they pierce, slice, punch and sear themselves. To create a pain greater than the one that cannot be cauterized no matter the hole. This is why people end their lives with a silken cord or dose of something pure.

I know I will not feel this forever. I know that soon the grip that macerates my inner being will become a long cramp that holds me but ebbs away and that to will meld into a twinge that scratches like a loose rope I can throw off if I move quickly enough. But I fear this too because I know that next time caution goes out for coffee and leaves me alone loss will rejoin me and snatch something else and this will all begin again. Adding one pain to the next. How long can this last and how long will I fight?